All praise is due to Allah, and may peace and blessings be upon His Messenger Muhammad ﷺ.

Allah ﷻ says:

“Men are caretakers (qawwāmūn) of women by what Allah has given one over the other and by what they spend of their wealth. Righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in the unseen what Allah has commanded them to guard. As for those women from whom you fear persistent rebellion (nushūz), advise them, then abandon them in bed, then strike them (ḍarb); but if they obey you, seek no means against them. Indeed, Allah is Most High, Most Great.”
(Qur’an 4:34)

Meaning of “qawwāmūn”
The word qawwāmūn does not mean superiority in worth or dignity. Rather, it means responsibility, guardianship, and financial and moral obligation. Classical scholars such as al-Ṭabarī, Ibn Kathīr, and al-Qurṭubī explain that men are made caretakers because they are obligated to provide, protect, and shoulder responsibility—not because women are inferior. This verse establishes duty, not privilege.

Meaning of “nushūz”
The term nushūz does not refer to disagreement, personality differences, or normal marital conflict. It refers to persistent, serious marital misconduct that threatens the stability of the marriage, such as ongoing betrayal, refusal of marital obligations, or destructive behavior. Scholars are clear that this verse does not apply to everyday disputes.

The Gradual Steps
The verse prescribes three escalating steps, all meant to prevent divorce and protect the family:

First comes gentle counsel and advice, reminding the spouse of Allah and the marriage covenant.
If that fails, there is temporary separation in bed, signaling seriousness without humiliation.
Only if both fail, the word ḍarb is mentioned.

Meaning of “ḍarb”
Classical scholars unanimously state that ḍarb is not violent abuse. The Prophet ﷺ explicitly forbade striking the face, causing harm, or humiliating one’s wife. He ﷺ said:

“Do not strike the female servants of Allah.”
(Abu Dawud)

And he ﷺ said:

“The best of you are the best to their wives, and I am the best of you to my family.”
(Tirmidhi)

Scholars such as Ibn ‘Abbās explained that this striking—if it ever occurs—is symbolic, non-harmful, and non-injurious, similar to a gesture, and many scholars held that leaving it entirely is better and closer to the Sunnah. The Prophet ﷺ never struck a woman, and his behavior is the ultimate tafsīr of the Qur’an.

Context and Purpose of Revelation
This verse was revealed in a society where unrestricted domestic violence was the norm. Islam did not endorse that culture; rather, it restricted, regulated, and aimed to eliminate harm, placing strong moral pressure toward patience, mercy, and restraint. The verse came to limit abuse, not license it.

The verse ends by reminding men that Allah is Most High and Most Great, a warning that authority must never become oppression.